The holidays are a flurry of activity and emotion. Especially when I go home. I got to Philadelphia a week ago, give or take. It feels like a year and just a day at the same time. Setting up my studio, reworking my sanctuary…getting my supplies laid in (new inks and paints, as there were HUGE sales for the collectively decided birthday of a long time savior). Sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. The strange thing about this kind of tired that I had been storing inside…the kind not solved by naps…it makes me too tired to sleep well. Its fits and starts and tossing and asleep at 3pm and awake at 2am. It’s being hungry and not wanting to eat. Follow the strange needs of the body. Listen. After a week of this…and some family time yesterday when I wanted to be sleeping instead, I slept like a baby last night.
I blame the full moon. Thanks, moon.
I had vivid, calm, and pleasant dreams all night and woke feeling incredibly myself again! Last night’s dreams found me flying a double prop whirly-bird, serving tables on a train, interacting with just about everyone I have ever met. I filmed a new web-episode of a popular television show, and came up with a very funny skit. (In waking life, I am not a camera guy….and don’t know television people) I made lists of trees on a drawing I’ve been working on, while my girlfriend (who doesn’t exist, and was not shown in the dream) made dinner. I spent a long time on her childhood bed while her father explained a new game he loved. It was a mix between Boggle and basketball. I am not interested in either of these things. At all….but tell that to my imaginary dream father in dating? Never. Be kind. HAH!
I loved each moment of this. Sleeping was fun last night, and I am fresh and excited again this morning. When I get tired and discombobulated, it feels like I will be that way forever. That’s the rub.
I am subscribing nowadays to a knowledge that my “mood” is my choice and my feelings, while illuminating, are that…things I feel. They are NOT what I am.
So I am challenged constantly to let these things envelop me. I am challenged to realize “I” am not down or depressed, I am just feeling that way. It passes, long as I can be a watcher of them, not an owner or creator of them. This goes for happy and excited too…which is harder, as we all want to be these all the time.
Maybe I am never happy or sad. Maybe I am just me, and these ebbing feelings flow about in cycles.
I think that is the truth of it, and I am here to experience as much as to interact.
Here for the show…and there are no intermissions.
Love you. Onto another marked year. I did so enjoy this one so far…I’m going to try to experience with joy this last week too. I hope the same for you.