The answer to life, if any is provided, will not sit in it’s proper place long. It is one of those stars that can only be seen on dark cloudless nights, and only when you don’t look right at it. But the answer is present in the question. The answer seems to be everything.
I like to think about these sorts of things because it is enjoyable to me. I like to sit quietly for as long as it takes because it makes me feel better and makes more sense of the world. I am teaching myself to be more gentle and less reactionary. I am trying out new “betterment” schemes and identifying the parts of my character that I want to adjust. I am working, above all other reasonings, because I feel true security in this process. It is easier to confront the disasters of life when I can say with clear voice that I was not aware of the coming doom, and that I was doing all I knew I could. It’s just plain easier to be honest.
Looking back on this year so far I see myself doing almost exactly everything I wanted. I see experiences that I could not have guessed toward. I have seen so much of this country and spoken with so many new folks that I have had a hard time knowing which time zone I was in more than once. One time I forgot what month it was!
But I have gotten stronger in many ways, and many of these were on purpose. I went for a nice trail run around Arches National Park to test out my knee, which was feeling soupy for months. All went well! It feels great to know, work, and heal my body. It feels great to know work and heal the mind. I am starting to feel like if you work those two, your spirit (or whatever is that ghost in the machine) starts to shine brighter. It becomes near impossible to deny what you really want to do in life.
And if you are not sure, like me? I guess it makes me open to experience. I feel ready in body for whatever happens to come my way. I say yes to a lot of opportunity. I have no reason to say no many times. And the good times roll.
So now I am finishing up some book orders. I will then repack all my things once more and move north over the border into Oregon. I will be up there for some weeks, then it is a dash to the south. After that, I am unclear. Ill update the etsy and this site in a few weeks, til then one could try to find me in the Siskiyou!