Rain and Writing and Procrastinating

We have been getting just the right amount of rain to keep my fledgling fall garden growing here in my philadelphia back yard. It has been great for my transplants! Sun, rain, Sun, rain, Sun, rain.
But it is getting colder, and the days are certainly short. With the time shift that is daylight savings, six pm seems a great time to go to sleep…but then I wouldn’t get anything done now would I?
I committed to NaNoWriMo this year, a writing event during which you strive for 50000 words or more on a new project in the month of November. I have been thinking and talking smack on my idea for three or so years, so it felt like time. It is also fast approaching holiday time, which seems like the ideal red team go for my craft to sell. So I have some art fairs and holiday bizarre events coming up over the next few weeks.
This means I am busy. What seems like a little too busy compared to how I have historically lived my life. I sit on the brink of stress and a rushed feeling. On the edge, but not yet feeling stress… I am finding it easy to transition into long dedicated hours of self work. I say self work because I am working for myself. I say self work also because my work is solitary, quiet. I listen to music and podcasts and talks and documentaries…but after day upon day of working in isolation on things that few people know about, it all becomes a drone, and it is impossible to avoid walking about in my own brain.
I got sad yesterday. No reason that I have found, but just a little gloom. I went about my day perfectly normal. Today I woke up without the feeling, which was nice, but I am chalking it up to my complacent view of sleep. Need more. I am thinking a lot, and my mind seems to respond with getting tired. The sadness was a funny friend that came to visit, that seems to be it.
I have been meditating daily…what I am calling meditation…it takes a few different forms but I am making it a point to do so. In High school I read a ton about zen, and was training in martial arts all the time. I learned to let thoughts wander on through without grabbing hold of them. It seems that my life is taking this form now. Sad and happy and annoyed and stressed and and and…they just kind of wander on through. I am not really trying to have an emotion, which is lovely because emotions seem to keep on happening.
My novel is going well, but a little slowly to hit the word count mark. I want to finish this challenge, but I am also unwilling to write in this project just to hit a number. It is important to me…there is no time for procrastination.
On procrastination: I have developed some pretty serious procrastination tendencies over my lifetime. They are of my building, and will be mine to dismantle. I am now using these to be productive…a game if you will. I get to the point where I am shuffling leather here and there or just folding and unfolding paper to see what it looks like. It takes me a minute to realize that I am just playing , just procrastinating. So at this point I take it that I need a break. So I clean. Yesterday saw me vacuum and shampoo the van that I am in charge of right now. It was gross, and smelled like…something. But now it is clean, and smells great. Took three hours and change, at the end of which I wrote a couple thousand words, ate dinner far too late and went to sleep.
Historically speaking (History in it’s most minor sense) procrastination was a seeking of fun, or a feeling of the need for a break. Today, however, I see it as a chance at some sort of training. A productivity training. I imagine how much I will be able to get done when eighteen hours a day are focused upon an action. from experience, I know I can’t go from zero to a sustained sixty without a burn out. I am letting this well up. A wave that is building stature and strength.
The best news is: It is working. I am able to work on three or four projects a day with little sense of urgency, with near no stress. I am able to do this because I am taking small bites, and have stopped the whole youthful rush thing. I am in no hurry, and the tortoise is certainly more pleasurable to hang out with.
I am loving this process, and am starting to see absolute results. There is nothing to be afraid of, but I let the fear have it’s little place in the corner, let it have a chance to talk when it needs to. Everyone is invited, but I don’t have to believe all the attendees.

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