Butterfly sneezes

ImageThis has all happened before, and I am thankful I can see and remember that! A few years ago, I was all floaty around and thought I would get out to Denver for some Momma time. After a couple months, I got a call from this guy I met a few years earlier in Alaska. His name is Sleepy. Though I did not know him, per se, I had hung out with him in a few different places, and our common friends were folks I trusted. So When he came through Denver, I hopped into his volvo. We drove straight west. It took us weeks to cross Utah, and I remember feeling a “me” that was starting to drive me each day, something was different, and more like how I felt as a kid. I wasn’t thinking anymore. I was enjoying life.

We got to Death Valley, where the sand dunes and marble changed my entire life. I think this is where I first heard Thelonius Monk. Game changer. We turned right, and spent a bit more time volleying between San Francisco for work, and Portland for play. I went back to Washington from there, partly on an ill fated bike tour.

So here we are today. I am in Colorado after almost two months of respite. I have been busy building a foundation on which my dream life can be constructed. Sleepy is crossing the plains, and Iwill soon climb into Cherry, a big red van. Very similarly, we are headed into the desert. Difference is, at this time I am focused. I have my poop in it’s group. Kinda fun.

I am excited, and like all good excitement, it is driven partly by fear. That’s what the excitey night before christmas thing is, I think. Scary, lonely freedom. It does seem that this tends to wane after I get used to the fact that I am not surrounded by the kind of friends that know me and my history. When I travel, it seems that I am surrounded by the type of friend that doesn’t remember that we are already friends. Sometimes they remember, other times they don’t. Being alone can feel the same as being in a room full of folks. The best estimation I have come up with to combat this is to be comfortable with and within me. That way, theoutside stimuli is all bonus! I no longer accept the charge of making the good bad. The uncomfortable and unfortunate happenings are here to be experienced, just like the happiest moments.

I tip my hat: Here’s to the unknown and the known parts of life. Here’s to when and where those two mingle and become confused.

I like to remember that I either chose this moment a long long time ago, or I didn’t choose anything. Either way, here we are, and there is no changing the moment we are in.

Time is the fastest and slowest force on earth. Well, Love is too. They are made out of the same thing and it tastes so good.

I am working on organizing and packing up the book stuff. I will post something about my kit when I know how small I can get it. Kerouac, Abbey, eat your hearts out…I got the internet to play with.

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